is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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