is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So much rum. So many feels.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
