That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
