I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
