My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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