NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
