I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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