it was like his penis was on wheels.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You've changed since you got that strap on
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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