i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize