You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
