he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
