Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
