He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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