Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Still dying that you shit outside
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
