YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
