I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
