I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
