I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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