brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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