Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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