my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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