I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
