you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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