this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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