I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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