I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
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I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????