my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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