I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
