You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
