Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
