Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Randomize
