Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
