spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Im part way to drunk.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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