covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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