Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
