Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
