My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
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As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
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Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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