we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
