whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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