You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We need to get me chipped asap
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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