I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
