TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
