whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
