I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
