Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
