I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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