oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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