She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
COCAINE IS GR8
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
