I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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