lets start a swedish sibling band together
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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