There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you made out with another girl for some wings
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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