Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize