you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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