my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
