My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
