White coat. Heels.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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