after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
