toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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