My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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