That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
