i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
