I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
