bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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